This isn’t me

      
 I didn’t ask for this, I didn’t ask to think this way or feel this way. Believe me when I say I don’t want to be this way. I don’t want to feel sad or anxious, because this is not who I am. I can’t help it, it just happens, sometimes for no reason at all. For me it’s not the kind where I want to lay around all day. I still get up to deal with everything the day has. I don’t want to be shut away from others, I dont want to be secluded, my depression doesn’t always work that way. Though I also don’t want anyone to see me like this. Sometimes I just need a significant change of scenery. Sometimes I need a chance to get away from the suffocation of every day life. Please understand, not all depression makes you push people away. Not all depression makes you seclude yourself. Depression is different for everyone. Nobody wants to be in this deep dark hole that is depression. We do fight, we just don’t always win. Sometimes it takes over like a black sheet falling over you, with no warning or reason. You could be having a decent week, and then out of nowhere you feel depressed. This is not who you are and you know it. This wave may last anywhere from a day, to upwards of a few months. This is not who anyone wants to be.
   It’s as if you’re being pulled backwards by an invisible force into a dark place where no one can see or hear you. No matter how much you scream or fight no one will hear you. There’s no guarantee you will fight your way out. The worst part is you’re watching yourself live everyday life with no control. Nobody wants to feel this way. This isn’t who we are, but sometimes the darkness is stronger. 

This isn’t who we want to be. We’re trying, but your judgements don’t help. Please know the mind can be a dark place that we can’t always control.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

To those who protect and serve

To my friends who protect and serve    To my friends who grew up to be firefighters, EMTs, EMS, officers both police and correctional, and military.   As I sit here on my porch this morning in this city, I watch several ambulances, fire trucks, and police cars go by. For me this is normal to see them pass multiple times daily. I am reminded constantly that they are everywhere and that I’m safe. If you know me personally and know where I live then you would know that I don’t always feel safe. It’s sometimes hard to feel safe in almost downtown of a major city. Yet when things go wrong, your brothers and sisters are not to far behind to protect, serve and rescue. For that I want to say thank you.   I pray for you and your families daily. I pray for your safety and health. I pray for your mental health because only God knows what you’re battling. I pray for your families. I know they’re proud of you, as am I. I grew up with many of you and to see you serving your c...
Read more

Life's little moments

Image
   They say we are only given one life so we need to give it our best shot. As parents, we try to give our children the best life we possibly can even though that's not always the easiest thing to do. There are moments where we sit back and question "Are we doing the right thing", "Is this the right decision for my family", "What could I do differently to make their life better", "Are we teaching them right", "what are they going to be like when they grew up?" All these questions parents ask themselves everyday trying to do the best for their family. There many times where I sit back and wonder if I'm doing right by my children.   There's little moments in life where you know that your children are going to be ok. Where you look at them and think I'm doing the best I can and that's okay. I find myself looking at my kids all the time praying that I can give them the life that they deserve and I pray that they will a...
Read more