New Year, NOT new me

    Happy 2019!   Sounds weird doesn’t it? That we are only one year away from 2020. I’m sure that over half of you have made New Year’s resolutions, whether it be to lose weight, be more organized,  or simply learn a new skill.  Well I’ll be completely honest with you, I’m not going to really make one this year, or at least nothing big.   My New Year’s resolution for 2019 is simply take better care of my mental health and well-being.
   *Backstory*  Since 2014, I have been on a rollercoaster with my mental health. Pregnancy made my anxiety worse. I had Leah in March of 2015 and due to a few factors I ended up with postpartum depression and anxiety. It wasn’t strong but it was enough and many people know that your first child changes EVERYTHING. I became pregnant again 6-7 months later. I had a fairly mediocre pregnancy but my mental health still suffered. Balancing a new baby when pregnant wasn’t easy. In July of 2016 I had Railee. This time I didn’t struggle as much with PPD&A but juggling a 1year old and a newborn was a bit difficult. 5 months later those 2 red lines came up again and my heart shattered. I wasn’t ready for another child yet. I struggled with the 3 (this includes my bonus daughter) we already had. In October of 2017 we added our boy to our now large family of 6. I prayed not to have PPD&A but the birth control I had chosen made it otherwise. I had the worst postpartum depression that I had known. I hated myself and everyone around me but I hid it the best I could. I would see myself so irritated but couldn’t control it. I’d be upset but not understand why. Once I got away from the control and let myself get back to normal I started to become more happier in late 2018.
  You see, I still struggle but this year I’m choosing to keep my “resolutions” small in a way. This year I plan on being at peace. I miss my confidence I once had, I miss the inner peace I once had. My goal for the year is to fight for my confidence and my inner peace. To not let the negativity in my mind control my happiness. My children are to wonderful for me not to be happy. My husband is to good to me for him to always see me irritable or depressed. So this year I’m taking back what is mine. 
   I am writing all this to say that we are 2 days into the new year. Whether you have a resolution or not, let this be the year that you build yourself. You  don’t have to be a “new you”, you simply just build the parts of you that you want to change.  Whatever your New Year’s resolution may be, I wish you the best of luck for this new year.  Remember this: negativity has no place in our lives so it’s about time we start fighting back with positivity❤️

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